Asuka千帆

1.

“Hey.”

He heard a stranger's voice and looked up: the boy standing in front of him stepped into his shadow in the dim twilight of autumn scattered on the ground through the window.

 

“Your scar is cool.” He said.

“Yeah, my father did it to me. Pretty cool isn’t it? Would you like one on your face too?”

He answered, without even looking up.

The old vent fan kept spinning and squeaking, he starred at the small single bed, with his name sewed on the corner of the white sheet, and it looked terrible.

 

“Why they send you instead of your father to prison, then?”

The boy kept smiling, he wasn’t angry or afraid of his rudeness.

Anthony had to raise his head and he was looking into that boy’s hazel eyes. He found this boy not looking like an orphan or a juvenile prisoner who grew up in a group home. He looked tidy, polite, and he was smiling.

 

“Because I killed him. So it left only me to be send into a prison I guess.”

He wanted to scare him. He wanted him to believe that he is a devil.

A devil, that’s what everybody said about him:

“Oh, lord, how could this even be possible, what kind of kid would murder his own father.”

Even his poor mother, who was almost beaten to death by his drunken father, looked at him as if she was looking at a monster.

 

“I am Carl, Carl Elias,” that boy said.

He reached out his hand, and Anthony looked into his eyes with suspicions. 

“Anthony, I knew your name is Anthony. I think you’re awesome,” Elias said, lifted his lips and smiled.

 

2.

The day was October 30th, 1974.

It all began that day, he thought.

 

Carl gave Anthony his hand, pulled him into his world, and from that very moment, Anthony began to spin around him like a planet circling the sun.

Time is ticking away like a flow in the river, and a lifetime is shorter than he pictured.

On that day, the other boys in the group home were listening to the radio about the battle between young Muhammad Ali and George Forman.

The Rumble in the Jungle, the battle of lions, young against old. 

In the end, the young lion defeated the old king.

 

A new era was rising from the horizon.

It was true for the two boys, too.

 

3.

He discovered that Carl Elias was always the first one to greet the newcomers to the group home.

He gave his hand to some of them, but not everyone.

Anthony once asked him about it: "what’s your reason for choosing a friend?"

Elias just shrugged and said: "a friend cannot be chosen. And they are not my friends, Anthony."

"You, you are my friend, Anthony."

 

The way he said it felt like he was the king of this little hidden world, this disgusting home for boys.

Sometimes Anthony wondered if Carl Elias ever truly understood the real meaning of friend for a monster like him.

It was like a plant growing under the dark water seeing a distant light from the sky.

He could do anything on earth for a friend, simply everything.

 

4.

They spent a hell lot of time together in the group home. New ones came old ones gone, Elias and Anthony remained. 

 

Anthony was a murderer of his own father, which made it impossible for him to find a foster parent. Elias was the smart one who could always find a way to escape.

There was a small hole on the wall close to Anthony’s bed. He hid a small stone there and would throw the stone to the wall and catch it back in the middle of the night. Over the years, the stone became smoothened and rounded.

 

Sometimes Elias sat on the edge of his bed and threw that little stone in the air. He said that everyone in this room could not bear the noise that Anthony made, so they were all so eager to get away from this place.

Anthony took the stone from him and threw it to the wall and said: “yeah, nobody dare to screw a murderer, so they can only bear with it or get away from it.”

“But there is always another choice,” Elias said. “I like the noise, you know, it distracts me, stops me from thinking too much.”

Anthony was curious and asked: “what the hell are you thinking about exactly?”

“Too much,” Elias answered, “mostly about how to survive in the future."

“At least the future won’t get any worse than this, no more correction room if we leave this damn place,” Anthony laughed. 

 

Elias responded loud and clear: “yeah, Anthony, you’re right. It won’t get worse even in hell. But I want it to get better, I want a better future for us.”

Anthony looked into his eyes with a rare smile and said: “yes, boss."

He knew that Carl was going to leave again; he was always leaving for knowing better about the world outside. But he would always come back.

Because people always return to their home. A home is not just a place, it might be just someone, like Anthony to Elias.

 

5.

Anthony left the boys home with Elias, he said if Elias’s not coming back, he’s not staying anyway.

 

They ran small errands for the mob and felt like two adults with a pack of cigarettes in the pocket. But deep down Anthony knew Elias would do much more than that, just like what he always said:

“We are the decedents of the king, we can live by our own.”

They went to Hudson River the day they left the group home. Anthony threw that little stone into the river, and they walked through the city together.

When the two passed by a crowded bar, they saw that battle of lions for the first time on television years later. Elias just stopped there, he was attracted and fascinated by the game. 

 

It’s like an omen, at that time he had no idea what it is about.

He suddenly turned around and said to Anthony next to him: “it’s our anniversary, the day we met, remember? We should celebrate a little."

“Maybe we should get some tattoos, some Latino phrases,” Anthony looked excited, “or let’s go to that bar around the corner, the Russians offer free shots of vodka before 9:00 p.m.”

 

Elias shook his head and laughed: “there is no tattoo cooler than your scar, dude, those Romanians, they call you Scarface, did you hear that? It’s scary. Anyway I won’t spend my money on some Latino tattoos, I promised to send Bruce money and help him cover his first year tuition in college.”

Elias handed the last cigarette to Anthony. Anthony didn’t light it up, he just put it under his nose and smelled it.

“Why Bruce, boss, if you want to go to college, I can help you gather the money,” he asked.

Elias blinked and smiled: “Bruce is good with numbers, Anthony, we are going to need someone who is good at math and can be trusted in the future. Because we are going to make hell a lot of money. Bruce is our investment.”

“For me,” he kept walking along the street, “I’m not a number guy, I’m a book person, all I need is reading, I don’t need a college for that at all.”

 

Anthony began smoking that cigarette and joked: “I see, so I’m neither a number guy nor a book person, I don’t even deserve an investment I guess.”

Elias stopped walking, turned around and grabbed Anthony’s arm firmly:

“You are Anthony, and you stay who you’re, that’s the most important part of that future we are building."

They walked together in comfortable silence for another four or five blocks, finally reached the small apartment they rented together. Elias bought some pasta, cheese and tomato in the nearby Italian neighborhood and cooked Spaghetti Bolognese for both of them.

 

That was their very first anniversary celebration.*

 

6.

Anthony still remembered that summer, when Elias was so excited about something he didn’t really understand.

 

It was a rainy night, he kept making noise in their shared broken bed. Anthony was so sleepy and said: “hey, boss, if there is a way to make you stop doing this, please show some mercy and just let me know, I’m gonna be late for my part time job at the dock tomorrow morning.”

Elias remained still for a while, a little while, and then asked in a soft and uncertain tone: “have you ever dreamt about him, Anthony?”

The silence fell upon them like a spider web, which was so suffocating and made it hard to breathe.

It seemed like forever before Elias said sorry, but Anthony started talking.

“Almost every day,” He said.

 

Elias was starring at the dirty ceiling, he said something fast, it was hard to catch but Anthony heard him anyway.

“I always dream about my mother. She had kind eyes, and in the end of my dream, there is always blood, too much blood.”

Anthony lied beside him, it was raining outside but muggy in the bedroom, even breathing made him sweat.

“My father always said that we are Romans, we should at least remember one or two things in our own language,” he said. “Ironically the only thing I remember is what he said before his death. He’s so drunk that night and believed that he was some kind of Roman soldier. He said ‘morior invictus’ like he is fighting the enemy before his glorious death."

“You know what, I answered that, I said ‘invictus maneo’ to him and I cut his throat. His blood spurted everywhere, on my face, my hands, too much blood for me to handle. I did’t know if it’s my own blood or his, but I didn’t panic, I’m calm, calm but angry.”

 

Elias turned around; he looked closely at the scar Anthony's father left on his face. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t control himself. He asked: “have you ever missed him, your father?”

Anthony turned to look at him, lost in his own memory, he answered Elias, or more likely, he was talking to himself.

“I think I miss the idea of a father, not the drunk guy that I killed with my own hands, you know what I mean,” he said.

“Yeah, I guess I know what you mean,” Elias nodded. “Just like me, I think I miss that father that I imagined.”

They listened to the rain outside the window for a long while in silence. Elias was falling asleep until he felt a warm embrace coming closer from behind. He heard Anthony’s voice, it sounded like from an awakening dream. 

 

“But imagination is a bitch, boss, never believe in it."

 

7.

That winter night when Anthony came back from the dock, he was surprised to see Elias at home, whom he thought was with Gianni Moretti.

Instead of spending the family reunion night with his father, Carl Elias was sitting in the dark, shaking, and trying to calm himself by taking deep breath, with a gun in his hand.

 

And that was the moment when Anthony realized everything.

He said nothing. He approached Elias in the dark and sit beside him for about an hour.

The snow was getting heavier; the whole world was covered by the holy whiteness.

Anthony asked: “did you kill him?”

He simply replied: “I will.”

Anthony picked that gun up and said: “I will do it for you, boss.”

 

This is who I am, he thought, I am your Anthony.

 

8.

Decades after decades, the future Carl Elias was talking about finally came. Bruce, who is good at numbers, helps them manage all those offshore accounts and assets in the shadow.

However, when the future Anthony prepared for himself finally arrived, the future that can be perfectly described as another battle between lions, another young lion challenging the old king, he stayed who he was, just as Elias hoped for.

He heard Carl Elias’s voice on the other side of the phone, the memories are floating in his mind upside down, and he’s a little bit surprised that he actually remembered the first day they met each other so clearly.

 

He remembered every single word they said to each other that day.

“I am Carl, Carl Elias,” that boy said.

He reached out his hand.

He looked into his eyes with suspicions.

“Anthony, I knew your name is Anthony. I think you’re awesome.”

He lifted his lips and smiled.

 

He closed his eyes and waited.

He suddenly remembered.

It was 30th October 2014, their 40th anniversary.

We should celebrate a little. He thought.

 

9.

Elias would like to ask Anthony if knew the meaning of the complete sentence “VI ET ARMIS INVICTUS MANEO” if he could.

Elias believed it could be a perfect epitaph for himself.

Through the force and arms of Anthony, I remain unconquered.

 

the END

谢谢巧克力为我beta！！！